Guitar Ted! Rant Mode- ON!

Elo Kiddies! Guitar Ted here to brighten up yer mornin'!

Rant Mode: Here is something that's been brewing in my corroded brain for a while. You've probably seen some of my recent posts about lube. Well, following are some personal opinions about lube, users of lube, and the uses of lube. Again, these are MY OPINIONS...........not intended to reflect on anything that anyone else may think. Including Jeff, or anyone else connected with the shop I work at. (Carl...are you listening?)

Hey, I am a big fan of using lube, IF you use it right. Let's talk chain lubing here, as it's the most misunderstood maintanence procedure.
1. Never, and I mean NEVER lube a dirty chain! Hey, at least wipe off SOME of the dirt, people. Lubing a dirty chain,(with the possible exception of a race situation), is downright stupid, okay? Lubing that chain with dirt on it, ( or grease, or WHATEVER), is only going to attract MORE dirt, which will wear out parts FASTER! Maybe you've got money to spare.........yeah, RIGHT!

2. Okay, Let's Name Names!: Some of you riders out there are fans of "wax based" lubes. You know, like White Lightening, Pedro's Dry Ice, and the like. All good and fine as long as it's used correctly. THAT MEANS FOLLOW LABEL INSTRUCTIONS, PEOPLE!!!! When used properly, you will be applying lube to a COMPLETELY CLEAN CHAIN! Yes, that's right, you MUST clean your chain EVERYTIME you use a wax based lube! Yeeeeeessssss, this usually means removing it from the bike for a proper degreasing. When applying the lube, only a THIN coating is necessary! DO NOT "GOB" IT ON! Your chain should appear to be clean and DRY when the lube sets up. That's why they call it DRY lube- get it? Your chain will be louder, your drivetrain will be louder, because there is nothing to damp the noise on the chain. This is how it's supposed to be! Finally, unless you get the chain all wet, DON'T PUT MORE LUBE ON, until the old stuff flakes off! This requires attention to your chain on a regular basis! Then, if you've used the product properly, you will have a far easier time of cleaning the chain because.....IT WON'T HAVE TONS OF WAXY, GREASEY CRAP ON IT!!!! If you have not used the product properly, you are a certified MORON that deserves early drivetrain DEATH! Especially if you CHOOSE to ignore this AND the manufacturers recommendations for PROPER chain lube use! Hey! don't get mad at me! It's YOUR choice! Do what yer gonna do!

3. Other Lubes: Hey, don't think your off the hook here becuase you don't use waxy based, crap lubes! ( NO! I don't like "wax based" lubes, as they are neither "wax", nor "lubes"!). Your drivetrain needs clean, shiny surfaces for the lube to work at it's best, too! Your chain should be lubed on the "inside" run of the chain. (The part that touches the cogs, the side that contacts the "valley" between each tooth on a cog!), okay? That way the lube is forced up, and through the chain links. Make sure to wipe off excess lube with a rag, and let the bike sit a long while BEFORE you ride it. Riding a bike right after lubing your chain is like spitting into the wind. Stupid, and, well.......Stupid! Your chain will be quieter than the "wax" based lubers, because your lube will damp the sound of chain hitting cog. In fact, it will be between the chain and the cog, if used properly. Names? Finish Line Cross Country, Tri Flow, and MY favorite, Hippie Slick.

4. What about that "Grease" on the Chain?: Yes, your chain will look dark if you use "real" lubes. The chain will pick up a certain amount of road/off road debris. But, come on! Your chain is EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS......HELL-LOW-OH! It's not in a hermetically sealed enviroment, never to see a speck of dirt or grime. It's never going to be perfectly clean, unless you don't use it! GET OVER IT! And don't EVEN come back with,"...but wax based lubes don't do that!". Those "lubes" are not LUBE, people! If they were, then show me the 10w/30 candles you put in your car! What? There aren't any such things? EXACT-A-LACTLY!

What I Say: Well, that's a load off! Okay, since it's "trainer season" and all, look for more RANTS, to keep you motivated! Oh! By the way; there will be a "musical" referance in every post that I, Guitar Ted, write. (Like the "Rage" referance I made in Carlo's blog comments) See if you can identify today's musical referance, above. MAJOR kudos to whomever "gets it"!!!!

Guitar Ted!

Here is a link to Hippie Slick.....plus a link to a great testimonial for the slick. Check out that bike!
(UPDATED ON MONDAY AT 7:00 by Jeff Kerkove)